THINGS I COULD HAVE MISSED IF I’D ONLY SLEPT FOR THE PAST MONTH

19May14

Considering that I’ve only made one post over the last 2 ½ months, you would have thought I’d slipped into hibernation mode. After all of the weird, stupid or just plain unbearable things that have gone on in that time, I kind of wished I’d had.

Unfortunately, I’ve had to endure the same ridiculous stories as the rest of you. It would take twenty pages to include them all, so let’s do a quick recap of the first ones that come to mind.

First, let’s take a look at the NBA. If you’ve been paying attention for the past year or more, you’d know that this is one topic I’ve chosen to stay away from, mostly out of disgust. I’ve made it no secret that I think this one-time great league has become a circus, with a hand full of talented players and a herd of arrogant, pompous playground showboats.

I guess we can now add hypocrites to that list, although we will have to include the commissioner’s office, the owners and a good chunk of the players. Don’t get me wrong, I think Donald Sterling was born 200 years too late and is a disgusting person.

But everyone in leadership roles throughout the league has known this for the past 35 years, and chose to look the other way. Now that one of his mistresses decided to secretly record him in his own residence and leak it to the press, the politically correct thing to do seems to be to throw him under the bus and force him to give up his team.

Did they really think he would just go away quietly? By the time this is over (some time in 2015), he will either have relinquished his team on his own terms or every owner in the league, and the former joke of a commissioner David Stern will have equally embarrassing statements that they’ve made in private exposed, forcing the other owners to try to take their teams away, too.

Something tells me it won’t go that far, and Mr. Sterling will be allowed to compromise and allow his family to run the show.

No word yet on when the bimbo girlfriend’s trial begins!

As far as the playoffs, everyone in the world predicted Indiana and Miami would be in the Eastern finals and San Antonio and Oklahoma City would be in the Western finals. But no one predicted the paths that would be taken to get there.

For instance, who would have thought that Indiana would nearly lose to the #8 Atlanta Hawks, before finally winning the series in seven games. Then they followed it up with a struggle against Washington, before finally winning in six. They clearly showed that unless they stop their internal feuding, they don’t have a chance to win it all.

Meanwhile, OKC nearly lost to Memphis in the first round before finally winning in game seven. At one point, it got so bad that the hometown sports reporter dubbed Kevin Durant “Mr. Unreliable”.  A couple of days later, he won the league MVP award. Perhaps the expert reporter should be dubbed “Mr. Unemployed”!

In the end, we are left with Miami vs Indiana and San Antonio vs OKC. Who would have thought? Too bad we had to endure the league’s unbearable drama before we got here. The owners and players alike have only reinforced my low opinion of this league.

Then we have the NFL. The big news was the 2014 draft. Not so much the draft itself, but the weeks that seemed like years that led up to the draft.

Every expert in the world had to hold a weekly mock draft, yielding thousands of these ridiculous bundles of useless data. Sure, this fed the over-abundance of talk show hosts, sports and otherwise, a smorgasbord of things to talk about.

And did they ever talk about it. Over and over and over again!

On the bright side, I was able to remind myself of what good musical taste I have. Since I couldn’t stand listening to these conversations on a daily basis, I turned to the handful of CDs that I forgot I had in my car!

And how about this year’s version of the Tebow Circus, aka Johnny Football! The big talk of the experts was “When will Johnny go and which team will take him?” Most of them were certain that he would go in the top ten, some even were going with the top five.

But then some of them started the conversations about Johnny going in the second round, which of course led to arguments for weeks, especially when the talk show had more than one host. Every week, the speculations changed.

The worst part of this whole thing was that we had to endure Johnny and his immature antics. So I’m not going to bore you with them here.

Meanwhile, when the draft day (I mean days) finally arrived (on Mother’s Day weekend???), there was only one QB taken in the top five, and it wasn’t our hero Johnny. In fact, he dropped all the way down to #22 and was actually the second player taken by the Cleveland Browns, that wonderful place where quarterbacks go to watch their careers die.

And yet, Mr. Football still had the arrogance and nerve to flash the money sign as he walked on the stage. I’m looking forward to watching him play in the NFL. He’ll either be holding a clipboard or running for his life on the field. Either way, it will be a fitting entrance to the league for someone that desperately needs a lesson in humility.

Oh, and by the way, I haven’t seen a single mock draft that had predicted correctly on more than two of the top 32 picks. Way to go experts. Thanks for wasting everyone’s time for these last few months!

I could go on and on with useless storylines, such as Oprah’s desperate attempt to take advantage of a gay player by exploiting him in her own version of Hard Knocks. Thankfully, the league stepped in and told her to take a hike!

But I’ll stop here, wipe the sleep from my eyes, and pretend that I just finished my best impression of Rip Van Winkle. If only it were true!

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