Okay, so maybe that was a little bit harsh and mean spirited.  So let me take a moment to apologize to all of the scumbags out there.  Ryan Braun would have to improve as a human being to join your ranks.

Look, I’m not naïve.  I know that as long as there are large pots of gold in professional sports, there will be athletes that are so shallow as to cheat in every way possible in order to grab a bigger share.

I get it.  We’re dealing with human beings.  Not everyone in the game is willing to play by the rules.  Some people have weaker levels of self-regulation.  The end result justifies the means, no matter how twisted that path becomes.

But this case goes well beyond the typical cheater.  It isn’t merely an act of self-betrayal.  It isn’t simply making a poor choice.  It isn’t an attempt to cover up something that one is ashamed of having done.

It is a pre-meditated act of betrayal towards anyone and everyone involved.

We’ve all known liars throughout our lives.  Some are merely BS-artists.  You know the kind.  You listen to them talk, tell stories, try to convince you that half-truths are really completely true.  You never let yourself believe them completely, but you know that they are relatively harmless, because everyone is on to them.

When they end up becoming used car salesmen or politicians, you’re not really all that surprised.

But then, out of nowhere, comes the snake of a liar.  This is the guy that convinces you that he is the most honest, trustworthy person you’ll ever meet.  He says things that make you a believer.  You put your faith in him, because no person with a conscience would possibly say the things he says and not be telling the truth.

Then he gets caught cheating and BAM!  Everyone in his path is thrown to the wolves in a desperate attempt to hide the fact that he is a scumbag.  He will ignore the people that know he is lying and run to the ignorant masses, with passion and conviction in his speeches that will convince anyone that he is telling the truth.

So how does Ryan Braun fit into this scenario?

First, there was the decision to use illegal substances to bolster the physical attributes well beyond his God-given abilities.

Then, once caught in the act, there was the manipulation of the system in order to get off on a technicality.  The fact that an innocent man’s reputation and career was destroyed in the process seemed to be an acceptable casualty of war to this cold-blooded cheater.

He stood in front of the cameras on February 24, 2012 and uttered those famous words – “I’ve tried to handle the entire situation with honor, with integrity, with class, with dignity and with professionalism because that’s who I am and that’s how I’ve always lived my life.”

He then spent the next twenty five minutes throwing the entire testing system and, more specifically, the man that was in charge of delivering the sample to the Fed-Ex office, under the bus.  All the while, he continued to throw in well-thought out phrases to convince everyone that he was the most upstanding human being they’d ever had the pleasure of meeting, thereby convincing the ignorant masses that he could not possibly be guilty of this terrible deed.

How can you not be touched when you see someone with tears in their eyes say “I will continue to take the high road because that’s who I am, and that’s the way I’ve lived my life.  We won because the truth is on my side.”

I even got caught up in the possibility of his innocence.  On February 24, 2012, I wrote about the concept of innocent until proven guilty (see Ryan Braun – Innocent or Not Guilty?).  I didn’t necessarily say that I thought he was innocent, but criticized the way the whole case had been handled.

But I also said that time will tell if he is guilty, as he will surely either get caught on a future random testing or his numbers will drop off.

And what is he doing now that he can’t cover this whole fiasco up any more?  He tries to demonstrate what a great man he is by “accepting responsibility for his actions”.

Hey Ryan, I think you’re a little late on that one!  How about accepting responsibility by returning your 2011 MVP award?  Or maybe lobbying to have the Brewers playoff victories erased from that season?

Let’s step out of the box and publicly apologize to the urine sample delivery man that you slandered so severely in a sorry effort to cover your own hind quarters!  Something tells me that we will only see that happen if your publicist tells you it might help your pathetic image.

Odds are very good that you’ve lost any chance to make any more All-Star games.  And you can kiss that Hall of Fame conversation goodbye.  But there is a place for your name in the record books.

You have officially become the most hated man in sports.  You’ve even surpassed Lance Armstrong, and that is not an easy thing to do!

I know you’re smiling all the way to the bank because, even with your 65 game suspension, you still get all of the remaining money in your long term contract.

I’m looking forward to next season, when you get booed at every ball park you play at, including the games played in Milwaukee.

Or how about your next visit to Chase Field in Arizona, the team that the Brewers knocked out of the playoffs in 2011.

Or better yet, how about your next visit to Dodger Stadium, when you get to look Matt Kemp in the eye and try to explain why he didn’t win the MVP award that year.

Ahh, good times are ahead for all.

And the irony of the whole situation is not lost.  Mr. Braun decided that, on his own merits and skill set, he was not capable of rising above the rest of the league, so he decided to cheat in order to accomplish his goal of fame and recognition.

While we have seen several players obtain superman stats over the past two decades, only to be exposed as cheaters, none of them have reached the level of hypocrisy, narcissism or pathological lying as our dear friend, Mr. Scumbag, err, Braun.

You see, the Sammy Sosas and Barry Bonds of the world fall into that used car salesmen category.  As we watched their batting helmets increase by three sizes over the course of a season, we all knew what was going on.  So when we listened to their explanations of innocence, we just grinned at each other and said, “Yeah, right, okay!”

Mr. Braun chose the scumbag route and has now been exposed to the world for what he is.  A self-centered, pathological liar that cares about nobody but himself.  I’m not even convinced that he realizes how much shame he has brought upon himself.  As long as he gets his big paycheck next season, it really doesn’t matter.

Perhaps something good will come out of this.  Based on the reaction of fellow players and coaches alike throughout the league (disgust and disdain), we might actually see a change in the way contracts are drawn up, with an escape clause for ownership to void the contract in its entirety if the player gets caught cheating regarding banned substances.

It’s too late to hit Ryan Braun where it hurts, because he will still get his money for the duration of his existing contract, but maybe he’ll be the last to enjoy it.

Meanwhile, let’s see if he can break a batting record that nobody is talking about.  How about going down in the record books for getting hit by a pitch more times than any other player in history.

Now that’s a record that would be fitting for a scumbag!



  1. 1 Lucy Kaiser

    I am a Brewer fan, and that will not change, but I was one of the people who bought Brauns more than staunch appeal for his innocence. So now I feel like a fool and wonder why, at this age of life, I still fall for that crap!
    BUT, this is ALL on Braun, not on any of us.
    He really is a scumbag.
    Consider this — he has been behaving like this his whole life. You don’t get this good at it without LOTS of practice!
    Lucy from Wisconsin

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